well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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