My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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