remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
