Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
