peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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