I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
