I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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