He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
