Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
