OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize