before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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