No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
