Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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