is your mom at the bar?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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