The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
