Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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