i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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