doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
