Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
