Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
