Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize