I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
