I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
