then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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