i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize