Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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