Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
