i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
