I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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