you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
