you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
