Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
