Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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