I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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