Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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