First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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