Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
