masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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