i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
