It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
