Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
