You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize