Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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