I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
