Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
