im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
