remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
