so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
