and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
