Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
