Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize