just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
