just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
