The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize