how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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