I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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