Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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