he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
