1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
