Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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