I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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