yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
