My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
