my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize