She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
