Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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