it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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