He felt like a one man threesome
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
