We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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