I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
