he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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