dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
