we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
