I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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