Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
