I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize