i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
