No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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