I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
