so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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