ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize