Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
