If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
