Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
