A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
