you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I forget how to act sober
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
