That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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