My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
