please come you make the beer taste better
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize