and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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