the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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