guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I did not marry a roomba.
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