omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize