that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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