Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize