Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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